I Am A Colorist But Don’t Take Away My Grays

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” – Oscar Wilde

The Moon has always enchanted me. I suppose that because the moonlight mingles with and balances the darkness of night, moonlight mystifies me. Fog affects me the same way. One might say that I live in a fog–and honestly, and I realize that I choose much of that fogginess about myself– I choose the mystery.

One morning, just as I was awakening, I became aware of all of the thoughts and new ideas that began flushing through me. The peak time of my day is immediately after I awaken from a night’s sleep, but I have also learned to listen and to experience those partially alert moments just before I awaken. That’s is when I am truly operating within a mysterious fog.

On Silver Sheets, I Sail
by Jacki Kellum

Just before I open my eyes
I float along the misty skies.

I reach, I feel the soft, white hair
and fairy wings that flutter there.

I listen, I hear the slumber song,
The angel band that plays along

My dreams are in my pillow-pail.
On silver sheets, I sail.

©Jacki Kellum December 16, 2015

In several of my previous posts, I have said that I blog to try to organize my own thoughts and to try to untangle the wires that tend to crisscross themselves inside my head. Jumbled wires tend to cloud or fog my mind.

Why I Blog – I Blog to Let in the Light – http://jackikellum.com/why-i-blog-i-blog-to-let-in-the-light/

But jumbled wires and chaos tend to be part of an artist’s make-up. I believe that art happens as a result of an artist’s navigating the fog in his life. Other writers have described writing as a way of clearing–or at least driving through the fog:

Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. – E.L. Doctorow

I spend most of my time in a room alone where eight hours go by, and I have no sense of time. I work seven days a week, and I live in this sort of vague subconscious fog a lot. – Dan Gilroy

In tragedy, it’s hard to find a good resolution; it’s not black and white: it’s a big fog of gray. – Paul Dano

Admittedly, writers and artists spend more time than most, trying to decipher the whispers that many others do not hear, but I do not believe that creatives are the only people who experience the vagueness that presents itself in the process of living:

Most of us live in a fog. It’s like life is a movie we arrived to 20 minutes late. You know something important seems to be going on. But we can’t figure out the story. We don’t know what part we’re supposed to play or what the plot is. – John Eldredge

I am suspicious of people who would prefer to deny their feelings rather than trying to understand them, and I believe that many people who think that they are operating in clarity are simply denying the fogginess within themselves. Most of the people in denial have learned to compartmentalize their emotions and fogginess defies compartmentalization. For that reason, many people avoid the foggy areas–the gray areas. They are only comfortable with either black or white. Gray areas–undefined areas–scare some people, but too much color scares them, to0. Perhaps it is simply the “too much” that scares some people. Those people prefer the unwavering, easily understood, the same.

Red Gerbera Daisies – Jacki Kellum Watercolor

Color is a driving force in my life. Oh, please, don’t ever take my colors away–but don’t take away my grays either. Both the shadows and the brilliant are part of what makes me tick, and I need to experience a full range of emotion.

Forest Daffodil: The Prayer

I wear no blinders through life. I see it all, and I feel it all. I love things that are not simply black or white.

I love the way that color celebrates life. God Bless My Colors.

And I love the way that the grays frame and draw attention to the color. God Bless Me and Deliver Me through My Grays.


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